All I wanted was simple. I wanted to have you as my girlfriend. I wanted to love you with all my heart. I wanted to show to everyone I love you. You say I make groundless opinion. You say you gave up on me. Have you any idea what all those words are doing to me? Everytime I'm home, I cry. It's a torture. Ya. Everything's in your mind. Whatever. All you do is to talk all these big logic that doesn't make any blardy sense to me! So I've been wrong to call you selfish? So you think it's selfless to break up during this critical period? So you think it's completely selfless to keep everything to yourself and drop the bomb right in my face as and when you like? I just want to hate you so much. So much. I just want to crush you the way you did to me. I just want to die to make you regret. You get my point!? You see the amount of disruption you've caused?! This is only 1/1000 of what you see. You've hurt me mentally, physically and emotionally. I'm not like you. You can move on happily after this damn 14 coming 15 months relationship. How much have you bothered about this relationship anyway!?If you would have bothered about this relationship, would you give up so easily? You destroyed my everything. Everything I built. You broke your promises to me. You lied to me. It took me so long to be here. Now, you just crush everything and continue with your life. Of coz. It's fair to you. It's always fair to you. It's the right thing to do for you. It's the perfect way to you. It's always you.
Sweet loving escape.
3:05 PM
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Can't get to sleep. I just feel so. Sigh, depressed. Memory after memory keeps coming back. I can't believe, I still can't believe that I'm feeling a stab in my heart. I've lost something I never treasured. No point crying over it. I never appreciated her. I never thought of how she felt. I never cared about her the way a girlfriend should. Ha. What's the point of crying now? I've caused this. I've caused this upon myself. No use blaming her. No use. Cassandra said the right thing, she said I won't hate her because I love her. I tried to cheat myself over and over again. Trying to tell everyone around me how much I don't love her anymore. All these have gone to waste. I've finally tasted the real feeling of love. That no matter how much you try to hate someone you love, you'll never be able to do it. This is what I'm feeling now. This is why my heart's stabbed. By the fact that you never told me what you're thinking, that you wanted me to tell you everything and I did. By the fact that now you've caused me to suspect whether do you actually love me? By the fact that am I supposed to continue loving you. By the damn fact that I want so badly to see you today only to hear that you don't love me anymore and you want a damn breakup.
Sweet loving escape.
2:28 AM
Saturday, September 25, 2004
everything's finally over. I've been living in a world of lies. I'll not believe anyone anymore. I hate this world. Why say you love me when you don't. Why say yes we'll patch back when you don't love me. What's the point of telling me sorry.It doesn't help. You won't cure all the pain I'm feeling now. You won't cure all the hatred I have for you. You gave me happiness. Now, you robbed them away from me. I'll never believe anyone full-heartedly anymore. Thanks to you.
Sweet loving escape.
11:50 PM
Saturday, September 18, 2004
I'm finally back. Blogger did not allow me to blog for the past few days. My computer just came back from the 'hospital'. Haha! (HI ALL!-kane) Ok. My crazy little girl just said hi to everyone, if there's anyone, who comes to read my blog. I'm in the midst of my prelims and I am not studying. My mother has been complaining that she feels that I don't take my prelims seriously. Haha. I'm just not in the mood of it. It's so spread out. It's not my fault. Haha. Ya, blame the whole world except myself. What's new. Did I mention that DJ,one of my hamsters, died? I highly doubt it. DJ died. So I'm left with the FAT, and I mean FAT, Jamie. Haha. Jamie is growing fatter and fatter day after day. It's quite obvious why anyway. Haha, because there's no one to share food with! Lala. ok. I think I'm quite done here. Ta! (Kane: BYE~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
Sweet loving escape.
10:49 PM
THE ONE
deborah
bisexual
turning 20 on 17th Decemeber Ngee Ann Polytechnic School of Film and Media Studies myspace. ::
friendster.::
