sweet goodbye.

Friday, December 31, 2004

Night out again. 3rd time this month. -smiles. Oh wells. It's playing time for me.
-ahem.
Let me talk in the most bitchy way I can.
"Like hello? I'm single here. Get me a break. Let me have some fun! (:"
Haha.. No, I'm not serious in whatever I'm doing now except for my work. And work. And work. Haha. Yes, That about it all. Haha. If anyone(if there's someone) is going to ask me why am I in such a happy mood. I'm answering you. I'm giving you a short and sweet answer. I had a Fantastic night and morning! -smiles.

Got my first pay check yesterday. Held a hundred dollar note, that is mine, for the first time in my life! Oh gosh. $130 gone to my sister's back. Yes. I paid my debts. The remaining money if MINE MINE MINE! haha! -grins. Going to marina today. Meeting up with clay, poh, dp(i think), yumin, pui, winnie. I think that should be all. Haha. After which I might go over to some little india pub to join devon and co. I'm too lazy to type out the names. Oh gosh. It's New Year's Eve! What should I wear? If I dress up for the pub thingy, I'll be over dress for Marina. If I dress for Marina, then I'll be underdress for the pub. Oh wells. I'll decide later. First up, I think I really need to get some rest before going out. I need the energy to stay up tonight. (:

It's 9.40 in the morning right now. The air con people are in my house. They are so noisy. -grumbles. My brains are not functioning anymore(has it ever functioned?). I'm out of here.
-waves.

Sweet loving escape.
9:30 AM

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Home at 10.10. This is insanity. This will be my life for the next 100 years. Till the day I die. How about shopping for my coffin this new year eve? I think it'll be a rather sweet outing.

Was crossing the road today and I missed seeing a car. Stepped back. An involuntary action. Maybe I shouldn't step back. That accident will save me from my misery. Don't you think? All the sorrows I'm burying myself in. I highly think I should stop wallowing in myself.

It rained the entire day. Freezed during work. Thought about things and I feel like crying. No. I was at work. I was in the public. I shall not let anyone see me cry. See me tear. Ever again. I'm standing in the middle of a crossroad. Wondering which direction should I go. Should I choose one path and regret it. What am I to do? I tested the waters on a certain path. Yes. I felt pleasure for certain times, while others I felt lonely, felt so bitch, felt so slut. Maybe I should back up from that bitchy route. Oh wells. Relationships, are part of ones life. For me? It's my life. For I haven't got any friends. For I haven't got people to tell me sorrows to. Therefore, I shall look for a partner. Someday. Somehow. I'll find one.

I hope.....

Sweet loving escape.
10:37 PM

Monday, December 27, 2004

I will drown myself in tears soon. Yet again.

Friend·ship
1.The quality or condition of being friends.
2.A friendly relationship: formed many new friendships over the summer.
3.Friendliness; good will: a policy of friendship toward other nations.

I'm starting to wonder if I even have friends.

Maybe I really don't.

Maybe all my SO CALLED friends were just making use of me some how or another.

Must I always be the one calling everyone to meet up for supper? Only to get rejected calls. Only to receive attitude problem. When we do meet up. Oh ya. Sure. I really do enjoy myself. Whatever. Piss me off. I'm not refering to just one person. I'm refering to so many. How often do I get calls from friends to meet up and chat? Seriously? Out of 50 times, probably only 2. Yes. The percentage is that low. Out of 50 times, how often do I call people to meet up with? Probably 48. Out of this 48 times, how often do I get rejected? 40. Out of this 40 times, how often do I get to hear irritated or a whatever voice? 35. So these are my friends. So these are my friends that I'm willing to go out at 11 in the night to meet them because they just feel like eating. And when I feel like eating? Excuses excuses. Pardon me for being rude. But I'm just so irritated. So tired. Girlfriends. Boyfriends. Are they the reason for drifting from friends? When you're single. What happen? Screw. Fuck off people.

I shall live in the cave. I shall no longer bring myself to call people to meet up.

Call me if you all finally feel like it.

It's probably be never anyway. Whatever.

Sure. I have no life so I have to PESTER you all. My friends.

I'm sorry then.

Sorry for pestering you all.

Sorry for being such an irritant.

I'm finally buzzing off.

Bet each and everyone of you are chuckling in front of the computer.

Have fun people.

Sweet loving escape.
11:45 PM

Saturday, December 25, 2004

com's back.
with a new problem.
USB port spoilt. I'm without a mouse now. Sigh.
Oh wells. At least for now, I wouldn't have to face the damn moodswing-y computer.
Haha.
It's a lonely christmas.
With everyone all so happily attached to their loved ones.
I'm here in this freaking room.
All so lonely.
All so sad.
I don't want to look for someone anymore.
I'll wait for someone to look for me.
Yes. That day will be the day when I lay down in this brown box.
Expressionless.
Feelingless.
That box shall be my coffin.
That day will be the day I die.
Hate christmas.
So much for the festive of sharing and giving.
Fuck it.

Sweet loving escape.
1:03 AM

Friday, December 10, 2004

Com's down. It's crazy. It'll shut down as and when it likes. The last time it did that to me, I was blogging halfway. Imagine my anger, just imagine.

I hate it whenever I'm unhappy.
(ok, which human likes it)
I was happy yesterday. I didn't bother anything that was happening to HER.
God damn shit.
I woke up. I felt shitty.
Came online.
Felt like a volcano on the verge of exploding.
I evolving into a monster day by day.
And why is it? All thanks to a word hurt.
Fuck the screwed up world.
Why can't I always stay protected from all the unsightful things on earth?
Why can't I always stay the pure me?
Why can't I not wear different 'mask' out to meet different people?
When I'm finally home, I'll take that blardy 'mask' out.
I'll be feeling so tired. Emotionally.
I'll put my attention somewhere else.
It's a routine every night.
Screw this whole issue.
I want to see my eye candy........

sigh.

Sweet loving escape.
11:45 AM

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

It's weird how everyone is hurting each other. I got upset over some stuff. The next thing I know, I rejected some date. I must have hurt him quite a bit. I just couldn't bring myself to go on a date with someone who just pop by suddenly. I'm left with one eye candy. Sooner or later, it'll be none. I'm getting tired of my eye candies life. Sigh. I don't know. Wells. I'm just going to work my butt off. I just can't be bothered about anything anymore. If fate allows me to ever get a boy/girlfriend, I'll get one. I don't need to look for one. The same reason that I don't go around looking for my eye candies. Sigh. Or should I say eye candy. No longer Coffeeclub. Just my workplace. Just one at a time. I can't take this shit anymore. The thought of turning straight seems so exciting yet so scary. Am I even ready to take on the new path? Beats me. I'm unsure myself. Should I give it a shot? What if I end up hurting someone the way I got hurt? I know the feeling of getting hurt badly. Why should I get someone involved in this hurt? I shouldn't. At all. Being single is boring, being attached is troubling. What should one do?

I'm bored of life. Everyday is the same routine. It's so boring. Waking up late, rushing to work. Working till9 plus 10 plus. Might meet people. After which sleep. The same cycle just repeat. Over and over. Screw life. I hate it. I really do. Believe or not. I'm still hurt. The wounds have not cured. Yes, I'm over her. But, how sure am I? I don't know. I really don.t

Sweet loving escape.
1:15 AM

Friday, December 03, 2004

I'm making this quick. I've got to rush.
Started work.
Tired.
I miss all my friends.(note: I'm having off on sunday, will be calling so many of you to meet up. I miss you guys.)
Working at bishan.
I'm having a good time there.
Supervisor is really sweet.
Had cramps yesterday and I went to buy painkillers. Had a lousy Panadol brand. Guess what? He drove to Junction 8 just to get me a better brand. Thanks guy. (:
If only he's not married and if only he's not 26 years old. Haha. Sheesh. I'm mad.
Come to think of it, why is he married at such a young age? Hmm..
It's work work work.
Then play.
Then work work work.
Play.
At the beginning of the month when i finally get my pay of pathetically low amount,
it'll be shop shop shop.
(:
People, I miss you guys so so much. Don't ask me who am I refering to. If you come to my blog, I'm refering to YOU! haha.
I've got no more special someone to miss. Maybe my eye candies.
Yes, you've seen it right. Eye candIES. Haha. Sheesh. I'm making use of my status of being single ain't I?
I want someone who is sweet, caring, cute, looks? Passable. He/she don't have to be drop dead gorgeous. I don't like competiton. Haha. What else. Sensitive. But not over sensitive.
Hmm, am I too demanding?
Shit. I'm late for work. Ta people. Will call people on sunday to meet up for a COFFEE. Haha. If you know who is one of my eye candies, you will understand what am I talking about. Haha.

Sweet loving escape.
11:07 AM

deborah
bisexual
turning 20 on 17th Decemeber
Ngee Ann Polytechnic
School of Film and Media Studies
myspace. :: friendster.::

clayeee ::
cousin ::
daryl ::
fredy ::
kayne ::
poh ::
syl ::

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