I broke down. I just can't pick myself up anymore.
Sweet loving escape.
1:22 AM
Saturday, April 29, 2006
check this out. The result of being bored at night. Photoshop never fail to amuse me. (:
Sweet loving escape.
3:51 AM
I slept half the day away. It has been long since I had 12 hours of sleep. Now, I can't get to sleep. Went out to meet poh and kayne. I'm sorry kris for not being able to go for your celebration. I'll make it up to you ya? (: My heart ached today. I'm not going to mention why. Poh you know right? ): Anyway, thanks DP for your kind donation of songs. Haha. I'm enjoying the songs right now. Meeting poh and kayne tomorrow. Might be catching a show, not sure. I have to see the mood of the kim keat girl. It just does not make sense that I'm in town and she's in town yet we don't head home together. Haha. I think I'm used to going home with the kim keat girl. Haha. The kim keat girl is BJ by the way. JH bounced in my life again. No, I'm not crazy over him. No longer. No more super heartbeat anymore. I'm dead la. I have totally NO IDEA how to complete my work. It does not help that I have more work accumulated up by other modules. It's only the first week of school you know. I don't know why I'm feeling stressed already. Ok, not very stress. Just a little. But very vexed over the fact that I've got no idea how to start doing. No motivation too. ): Someone please be my motivation.
Sweet loving escape.
3:20 AM
Friday, April 28, 2006
Finally, it's Thursday. I have no school tomorrow. (: I can sleep in. Extreme long weekend. Friday to Monday. (: Have been feeling emo. I don't even know what I am emo-ing about. Thats the worst though. Feeling all stoned wishing that I don't exist. I hate school. School don't feel the same anymore. There is no more crazy madness in school. School seems so boring. So dead. I don't have the motivation to go to school anymore. Everyday, except for the first two days of school, I've been dragging myself to school. This means wed and thursday. Haha. The reason why I'm not dragging myself to school on Monday and tuesday is because I get to wear my long awaited new clothes. Haha. Other than that, I'm gone. I'm bored to tears. I slept in class like no one's business and now there is some online journal to do and I have NO IDEA how to do it. Fuck. I'm so dying. ): Someone please come and help me. Haha. I am BROKE. OFFICIALLY. I feel so poor. I must stay home more. So I can save money. Buying one packet of fives of Maggi Mee and I save like shit. Haha. I think I will have Maggi Mee for lunch tomorrow. Stay home for dinner and save even more money. Perhaps if someone ask me out on a not expensive date, I would go. Haha. SOMEONE ASK ME OUT ON A DATE NOW!!!!! Haha. I'm shit bored with my life. I need a date to chill. Haha. Ask me out now now NOW!
Sweet loving escape.
12:50 AM
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
School started. It's just day 2 and I'm sick of school already. I think I'm used to my holiday life. Watched reincarnation yesterday and watched take the lead today. Reincarnation was good. I was practically glued to the screen. Haha. I felt cheated by take the lead though. I expected better. I want to sleep in. I can't wait to sleep in. I can't wait for friday. I can sleep in on that day. Not sure if I'm going MOS. Haha. No idea. Poh and BJ are not going on thursday. Two of my must have in a club. Haha. So I'm thinking one million times about going on thursday. One thing for sure. I can't stop clubbing. I must keep that body moving. So at least some exercise is done. Haha. I want to see you. I just want to see you now. Never. It's impossible. I want to smile the way you made me smile. Yet again, it's impossible. Ha. Just my luck. I really do like you. Do you know?
Sweet loving escape.
1:28 AM
I'm tired. I can't get to sleep.
Sweet loving escape.
1:06 AM
Saturday, April 22, 2006
I'm super sick. ): I don't feel good at all. I'm pushing my body over limit. Both phsycially and mentally. I just want someone to care for me in a special way. I promise to be good. Sigh. But no one would. No one. I need to head back to Nokia Care again tomorrow early in the morning to watch them open shop. Haha. No la. I need to go upgrade my software. I highly doubt I would want to head down to town anytime soon when school starts. I'm not quite looking forward for school. Boring! All those late nights must go. Though I highly doubt I would. But still? One thing for sure. No more DVD sessions at BJ's house unless it's a Thursday night onwards. Everyday is 8am lesson. This is such a chore. Waking up at 6.45 every morning is not my favorite thing to do. Sigh. I suspect I'm having slight asthma. Got it from all the coughing. Fuck. Please. Let me die now. I don't care if I die before I get married or shit like that. I just want to die in my sleep. I'm feeling upset now. Feeling emo. Feeling lonely. I hate all these lonely nights. I want nights knowing that someone somewhere is there beside me. I want nights knowing that someone somewhere loves me. Not in a friends way, not in a family way too. I want nights knowing that someone somewhere will take good care of me. Esp during this sickly period. I feel lousy. Lousy about myself. It's been long since I last felt lousy of my own capability. It's been long since I last felt like I'm the lousiest shit on earth. But tonight I'm feeling like that. No RnB or Happy song would be able to cheer me up right now. There's just something I want. Why. Why can't I get it. I hate this test. I hate this feeling I'm having. I just want what I want. Nothing else. I somehow know it's impossible to gain whatever I want. Yet, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm not trying to get it. Just waiting for a right time to head front to snatch it. When. When will the time come. Will it ever come in the first place? Time, such a miraclulous thing. Through time heal pain, through time too cause pain. Will time heal my pain or cause my pain? I think my sickness is causing me to feel emo. My sickness is restricting me in so many ways. I just want to enjoy life and live life to the fullest. Is it that hard? gone.
Sweet loving escape.
2:07 AM
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Just came back from BJ's place not too long ago. Was checking my mails and tying some loose ends up. I feel like the poorest shit on earth now. -pouts. I'm tired yet I can't sleep. Oh well. Chalet was kind of terrific. Day 2 of chalet was spent at Tan Tock Seng with BJ then heading down back to the chalet. We rented Need to Speed and played at the chalet. For the first time in my life, I took part in starting a fire! Haha! I feel good. Yes. I know I'm lousy. I've lived 18 years of my life and I've never started any fire before. But still? I started it ok. I gave Miss BJ good advice of how to start the fire. We could have started the fire much faster if she heeded my advice of how we should be arranging the damn charcoal. Haha. But no... she poured and dumped the charcoal on the pit. I think starting a fire can so build up muscles. Hahah. I won't be surprised if my arms starts aching soon. Haha. Anyhow, I feel bad for not being able to wake BJ up on time today. I'm tired too. I myself could not wake up to nag at BJ to wake up. Sorry girl. Orientation on Friday. I am not really looking forward to it. Haha. I'm some SL person. Whatever it is. I don't really think I'm looking forward to seeing the YEAR ONEs. Haha! I feel so whatever. I feel so up one level. I know this feeling is damn whatever. But whatever. Ok. I have no idea what I'm talking about. gone.
Sweet loving escape.
11:41 AM
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I'm currently at the chalet now. Using daniel's labtop to blog. Haha. Yes. I'm bored. I slept just now and am snezzing and coughing my life away. Haha! OMG OMG OMG. The chalet was not really counted as a total success. But it's not a total failure either. Haha. Tomorrow the chalet might be empty. I hope people can come tomorrow or else I have to go to BJ house to crash in before going home. Haha. Not like I'm complaining. But still? Haha. We should have such gathering soon. To people who atteneded the chalet. Thanks a million. You guys were fun! WOOHOO! Hahaha. Though I'm not feeling well, but still. You guys were fun. Haha. To people who could not come due to valid reason, It's ok. We'll have another gatheirng when school starts k. Haha. To people who could not come without valid reason, go and die. Haha.
Sweet loving escape.
2:45 AM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
I'm tired and I'm sick. My throat is killing me.I can't cough, I can't swallow and I think I might be losing my voice soon enough if this continues. Fuck. ): I'm been working everyday and today is my last day before I take my one month break. Tomorrow is my class chalet and the day after friends are dropping by. Friday is poh's chalet and that will last till sunday. WOOHOO! NExt week or rather, this week is a chalet week. There goes my throat with extremely loads of cig smoke and I can get ready to say bye to my dearest voice. Haha. Not that anyone really bother about my voice. But oh well. I feel lousy when I woke up this morning. I felt like my throat was all ready to drop out anytime any moment. I took a huge cup of water and put it by my bed and slowly drink it. It hurts. I feel sad. Because I'm alone. I hate getting sick. I hate getting sick even more when you know there is no one (besides your family) there to look after you and pamper you. Making you feel like some spoilt girl for those few days. Sigh.
Sweet loving escape.
2:54 PM
Thursday, April 13, 2006
I'm blogging for the first time on my Powerbook. Yes. It has arrived. It arrived at 10.30 this morning and I'm exploring this a little before going to work. AH! I think I'm lost. Haha. I feel so loser. Some mac user please come and help me with this. Haha. I think I am going crazy here! WOOHOO!
Sweet loving escape.
11:03 AM
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I hate it when I know that there are things that are not within my control. I feel like shit when I know that my friends are feeling down and I can't be there for them physically. Even if I'm not talking to them, but I believe in actions speak louder than words. Though friends may reject your help and want to be alone, I still feel like shit. I chose the wrong time.
Sweet loving escape.
1:51 AM
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I'm beat. I think I need to get a leg massage soon. Yes. I'm that lousy. Yes. I'm used to being able to sit down at work for 10 hours straight. Spider Solitaire is not the coolest past time to have. I'm having it. Haha. People, do come visit me and get cards from me in town. I will be giving out cards for 15% off storewide at Nike Bird. I will be around cine and Heerens area. Please do come and pity me and the heavy bag. I will thank you ONE MILLION times. Haha. I've never stopped complaining about being single. I am still not complaining. I want my life back. Perhaps girls would be better for me now. Perhaps.
The feeling of betrayal suck.
Sweet loving escape.
4:14 AM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
I could not connect online till I restarted the com. I got scared. Haha. Working for nike tomorrow as well as sunday. Haha. Giving out some post cards. I have to be in jeans and nike shoes. like huh? hahahha. Watched Ultraviolet just now. The show was ok. The effects were nice. The storyline and ending SUCK. Hahah. Today has been an ok day. Not much moodswing. (:
Sweet loving escape.
4:23 AM
Friday, April 07, 2006
I just want to shop till I have no money at all. I can't decide whether to get shorts or skirt. Haha. I think BJ and Kayne can just kill me. I shop halfway and I got moodswing. Haha. not smart at all what. So I didn't get much today. A pair of slippers and a top. I miss. I miss. I miss having someone there when I need. I miss having a shoulder to lean on. I miss having my laughter. I miss having to do things without having people to read into my actions. I miss all these and loads more. I just miss. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to anything. I'm just looking forward to my sleep. I hope I sleep and don't wake up.
Sweet loving escape.
1:10 AM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
sigh. emo life strikes back. I heard one night in beijing at my workplace. I just want to laugh my head off. haha. The song is so cute. Haha. Oh well. sigh.
Sweet loving escape.
11:44 PM
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
I stayed home the entire day today! I'm still planning to stay home the entire night! Haha. I packed my room! WOOHOO! I feel so proud of myself right now. I think I'm left with one cupboard of which I refuse to touch it. I think I want to head down to ikea soon to get a box to put all my bags. And I mean ALL my bags. My mother stuffed them all in my cupboard and now I can't close the cupboard! I refuse to let my new bag get damaged. Hahah. I think i'm mad. Oh well. Anyhow, I haven't eaten any proper meal the entire day today. According to my mother, it has been ten millon years since I last ate at home. Haha. Oh well. The life of a single, mad, crazy daughter. I refuse to think about any relationship right now. Though I admit there are times when shit just surface on its own. I forced myself not to think about it but somehow something/someone would raise up that issue and there I go. Feeling emo all over again. Looking forward to my class chalet as well as the arrival of my dearest Powerebook. No idea when it will arrive but I'm still looking forward to it. By the way, Happy Birthday Darius.
Sweet loving escape.
8:05 PM
Monday, April 03, 2006
WOOHOO! RETAIL THERAPY ROCKS! WOOHOO!
I went shopping today and I bought a set for school. I spent 200. I'm broke. Haha. But I'm happy. Who said money can't buy happiness? MY money can. WOOHOO! I'm the happiest shit on earth. PMS hit me last night as well as tonight. Thanks to MY money and myself, I got myself chocolate. LOADS of it. To hell with fats and calories. I need my happiness and energy. Haha. I'm hyper. SUPER!
WOOHOO! I LOVE SHOPPING!
Sweet loving escape.
3:19 AM
Saturday, April 01, 2006
I'm shit tired and bored. I received a message this morning/afternoon (I lose track of time when I'm sleeping.) telling me to go to work. My colleague is sick yet again. Sigh. UGH! I don't think I can complain much? Because she is helping me to earn money. Haha. But still? I'm still SUPER bored! Not to mention lazy. My gosh.
Sweet loving escape.
2:56 PM
I am officially upset to the max. Relationship problems suck. BIG TIME. I'm major confused. I've got no idea what to do or even if I do, I've got no idea how to go about doing it. SIGH! My timetable is out. I wanted to cry. It did not help that I was feeling so messed up before. I'm not in the same class as jia and ty. I know you can make more friends. But I would really love to have their company. I just want to cry now la. No. 1, No.2, No.3, ....., etc. SIGH.
Sweet loving escape.
1:57 AM
THE ONE
deborah
bisexual
turning 20 on 17th Decemeber Ngee Ann Polytechnic School of Film and Media Studies myspace. ::
friendster.::
