A few days ago, my mother told me to think about my future. Not that I have not been thinking, but I've put it off for a while due to my assignments. I decided to go ask around for the better school available. Just now, I've decided to go check things out. Honestly, it's not one of my pleasant moments. I found out that a few of the better schools are not for international students. Another thing is that those that are for international students, not many seems established enough. The main reason why I actually refuse to further my studies in Singapore is because somehow the Degree here is not as recognized. I have to admit, I refuse to dry my brain cells and rush my entire body system for some unrecognized Degree. So I checked in on the few better ones. I checked Victorian College of Arts. Checked the cost including the conversion of currency and rough estimation of expenses and lodging and of course school fees. The total amount came up to S$130,000.
I told to my mother about this. No, not in hope that I want her to pay for my school fees. Just to inform her and somehow try to get her opinion about things. I've been trying to get anyone and everyone's opinions. Somehow, my mother's opinion is one of the most USELESS AND NOT PRODUCTIVE TO ANY POINT. To think she is my mother. Her mindset is ENTIRELY RIGID. She sticks to paper first. I'm not taking a business course like my sister, I'm not taking an engineering course like my brother. I told this statement to her and guess what. She said then precisely, she has no idea why I wanted to take my course. I mentioned the term FSV in front of her, she asked me what's that. OMG. PLEASE! Honestly speaking. I don't even want to be on this world/planet. LIke WTF? You don't even know what course is your daughter taking. You cannot step out of your fucking stubborn mindset of papers and qualifications first. I do admit, it is important. But I have to say, somehow, experience is more important. Especially in the case of my course. I will have to do freelance when I first graduate. But freelance on what? Photography? No camera. Animation? Perhaps, if clients appreciate my work. I have no idea. I'm going to starve to death. I'm going to die. There is hardly a way for me to earn S$130,000 within 2-3 years. I have like 36months. Should I get a $2000 salary per month, i'll only get 72,000 at the end of 3 months. it's only half of my targeted amount. I've to look for bank loans now. I hope Mediacorp will accept me as an intern this coming holiday. I have to mail them soon. I intend to be a assitant poducer. (: I hope they need some help. I think they would. RIght? Please. I need to have a clear view of my future. Everything is a blur now. Money is the main cause. Money is important. Without money, it'll cause people like me, who yearns to have so many things achieved in life, to be upset and suicidal. If my plans do go ahead, that means in about 3 years time, I'll be able to head down to VCA to study, by the time I come back, I'll be 26. At the age of 26, I start working? That's pathetic. Honestly. I hope I'll be able to work overseas though.
-fucked up life without money.