hello. my irritant cousin is over. andre. sigh.
i hate my life.
Oh well.
Sweet loving escape.
7:34 PM
Saturday, October 30, 2004
I'm happy and I'm feeling terrible. How is this possible? Extreme things just happen to me.
My mum got me my mp3! I'm so happy. It's creative too! It's the MuVo Slim one. Ah. The mp3 just want to be how pretty la!! :))))
Now, for why am I feeling terrible. My throat got worse during the day. I lost my voice. My temperature is 37degrees. No fever, but definately not a temperature to make me wear a thick jacket even without the fan or air con being switched on. Felt so alone just now. Cried. I'm a silly girl. But all I wanted was care and concern. From my friends, from her.
I have to learn to be understanding. She cares for me alot. I know. Just that sometimes, I'm a little slowon realising that. Pardon me.
Sweet loving escape.
1:23 AM
Friday, October 29, 2004
peeps out there. I need remedies for sore throat.
If any kind soul actually comes to my blog.
Please tag me for remedies.
I need to heal.
Fast.
This throat is killing me.
I feel like removing it off.
Sweet loving escape.
5:11 PM
Sore throat.
Pain.
Terrible.
Dying.
Failing Os.
Not studying.
Sweet loving escape.
2:12 PM
I realized I've blogged many times today. Oh well, I'm still going to blog. Still going to blog.
I'm growing fat. She's feeding me fat. urgh. Oh well, but I love it when I'm with her. So happy, so carefree. Although we didn't have the oh-we-so-sweet conversation online in the afternoon, all turned up well. -smiles. Oh well, went to her house and presented her the ever so best potato salad! Haha, didn't get to sit and watch Charmed because of this potato salad. My gosh, aren't I just so so so sweet? -blush. Haha, I'm so thick-skinned. Never mind, as I was saying, I gave her her potato salad. Watched Singapore Idol with her. I have to admit, even though I hate to, that Olinda is really consistent. Sigh, she stop supporting Sly already. -sob. Oh well, I'll still support him. Haha.. Ate pizza while watching tv, I swear her dogs, esp ah boy, are greedy to the max. Haha, but I dont mind. They are just so cute. Had my own fair share of the hundred kisses. Oh well, Deborah is happy.
Sweet loving escape.
1:33 AM
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Just swinging. Just swinging.
Moodswing. I hate this.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate this!
urgh!
Sweet loving escape.
2:45 PM
deborah
December/17/1987Female
You are Gold Elephant type of person, who tends to be fresh, straightforward and hold a pure heart. You look very active, cheerful and articulate. You are good-looking woman.You tend to be very intelligent, and are not a difficult person. Your honest and good personality attracts many people. You also possess will power and have perseverance. You put your maximum effort in anything you do, which gives a favorable impression to others.Although, you don't depend on others easily, your rationalism and argumentative personality is something you should watch out for. You sometimes change completely and surprises people. Those Gold Elephants who had lived most of their lives with their parents have this tendency. They hurt other people's feelings by being too blunt. Nevertheless, you tend to be extremely polite most of the times.Those of you who have left home and live independently tend to be polite. The loneliness of living on your own seems to mature your character.You will not go into deep relationship with ordinary office working men. But you do not go much for macho type and those who assert themselves too much.Your cheerful and active personality may give a wrong impression, but you will be extremely good at keeping your home.
Sweet loving escape.
2:36 PM
this is a dream of a silly girl..
That girl named feeling. says:
first
That girl named feeling. says:
you and i went to this stupid concert lah
That girl named feeling. says:
then we didn't have the tic
That girl named feeling. says:
so i went around asking
That girl named feeling. says:
then this friend of mine
That girl named feeling. says:
whom face i couldn't see properly
That girl named feeling. says:
gave me two
That girl named feeling. says:
then i gave you one
That girl named feeling. says:
you treated me damn cold
That girl named feeling. says:
like totally don't know me kind
That girl named feeling. says:
then i couldn't enter
That girl named feeling. says:
because the tic
That girl named feeling. says:
don't knwo what lah
That girl named feeling. says:
then you could
That girl named feeling. says:
so you went in w/o me
That girl named feeling. says:
then i saw you
That girl named feeling. says:
talking to (k) That girl named feeling. says:
holding hands and all
That girl named feeling. says:
so i was damn pissed lah
That girl named feeling. says:
i left.
That girl named feeling. says:
i cried.
That girl named feeling. says:
=x
That girl named feeling. says:
then
That girl named feeling. says:
i don't know why
That girl named feeling. says:
i landed at my workplace
That girl named feeling. says:
and started eating and all.
That girl named feeling. says:
then uh i forgot. my gosh. I just love this silly girl so much.
Just kill me. I'm dying of happiness!
Sweet loving escape.
2:03 PM
I'm up at this wee hour. Haha, ok, this is not wee hour. It's 10am now. Woke up at 9 to get ready to study for my chinese test. So I decided to do some things to wake me up a little since I don't have friends around me to wake me up. Haven't slept in so early for the past I dont know how many nights. Slept at 11. Ok, my alarm clock just rang. I've got to do my work already. Ta.
Sweet loving escape.
9:58 AM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
dying. dying. I'm having a chinese test by miss cass tioh. haha. I'm so going to fail. oh well, I guess I'll need to study. But wait, I think I'm having a stomache. Opps. Nature's call!
Sweet loving escape.
10:15 PM
Sigh, I don't wish to poke my nose into anything. Just got affected by the comments of people. Oh well, I don't wish to say childish, don't wish to say anything. This entire entry is my point of view. Oh, if any one comes here even. Sigh, why create tension when there's none? Why should anyone insult others when no one is perfect? Maybe, some has physical flaws, but why do people tend to just concentrate on the physical flaws? Hasn't the physcological aspect strike them? I won't say I'm perfect, in fact, I'll say I'm one of the worst human on earth, probably an insult to humanity I've insulted others before too, in fact, I am still bitching about people now. It's nothing wrong, but maybe sometimes it pays to be a little more 2 face? Try standing in other's shoes, how would you feel? Hurt, would definately be one of them. Angry would be next. Why cause all these on others? Sigh, it's sad to see this happening around me. Oh well, what am I to say? Everyone has their own freedom of speech. Am I right to say that?
Saw an unsightly picture today online. Sadly, it's my friend. Why stand so low? What happened to dignity? Sigh, I'm not trying to put myself in an extremely good light here, but it's just that today, I've bounced onto things online that just justify the fact 'the internet world ain't safe.'. Oh well, I don't have a right to comment on others. Just learn from others and watch my step. Peace out humans. Love you.
Sweet loving escape.
1:24 PM
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Oh wells. All turned out well in the end. Lots of things happened yesterday. Somethings are happy, somethings just wasn't the way we wanted it to be. Others was boring, and the remaining was just neutral. I'd love to hold a duster, the one to clean the boards, and wipe off all unhappy things. Whether it was unhappy to me or people who's dear to me. People who's dear to me doesn't just mean my date, they meant anyone I love even as a friend.
--
To my friends who happened to read this,
I tresure all the moments we spent together. All the happy times. If we happen to have some really upset ones, I thank you too. For you've taught me a lesson. I might not learn it, but I know that you tried to teach me a lesson. If there is this one day when you're feeling all upset and down, please feel free to look for me. I may not be there for you physically, I may be held up at that time, but thanks to technology, I'm just a SMS away. I don't promise I'll give you the best advise.But I'm there. I'll try to do my best to make things better. Even though sometimes I may end up upseting you, but please understand. I definatly have my reasons to do that. I meant all the best for you.
Sweet loving escape.
3:15 PM
Monday, October 25, 2004
This little nerve, this little vein in me just titched when I heard about it.
Why? Is it normal?
Can't stop smiling when I see all those msg when I switched on my phone.
Just so funny.
Just so weird.
Funny feeling.
Weird feeling.
Oh wells.
Sweet loving escape.
3:27 AM
moodswing like shit. fuck. i dont know to feel happy or irritated. fuck. just kill me. Someone just kill me now. I'll just die in an accident.
Sweet loving escape.
3:13 AM
Sunday, October 24, 2004
-rub eyes. good morning peeps. My eyes are so itchy and I'm dying. So tired. So very tired. Wonder if she has her 3 hour break. -wonder. Too tired to blog. ta. I'm out.
Sweet loving escape.
1:09 PM
I'm sorry to give you such heartache. I'll make it up to you. I promise! :) I guess this is one of the reason why my previous relationship ended. I'm just too sticky. Oh well, I'll learn not to be so sticky. I'll learn it from you. my idiot. -laughs. Oh well, it's 3.42am and I'm supposed to be studying if I'm not tired. Sheesh. But the thought of touching my books just turn me off. Haha, oh well. I'll go to my table, I'll pack it, and I'll try to study. I'm out of here.
Girl, did I tell you? I miss you. Miss behaving like a dog and smelling you so much before we part. I'll miss doing that. I'll always do.
Sweet loving escape.
3:40 AM
Saturday, October 23, 2004
This feeling within me.
Feels so strange.
I don't know who I am exactly.
I just stared in daze.
Looked at the visualization of the windows media player.
I fell deep in thoughts.
Maybe I ain't suited for this type of life.
Maybe I am suited for this type of life.
Why am I feeling happy yet upset?
Is this normal?
Who on earth wreck such havoc into my life.
Given a choice between friends and girlfriend/boyfriend.
I'll choose friends.
Yes, friends won't be there for you physically.
But friends would be there for you emotionally.
If one day, you were to feel down, you'll see your friends flocking towards you.
Should I end all these?
I don't know.
I can't bear to let such a pretty girl go.
I can't bear to hurt such a wonderful girl.
What am I to do?
I don't know.
Probably I should look up to the sky and seek for peace within me.
Probably then, I'll find the answer.
I hate it when you have to see how I feel through my blog.
Can't you just make me feel so comfortable so that I'll tell you the truth?
Why is there a distance between the both of us?
Why don't I always feel love from you?
Why do I feel that sometimes, just sometimes, you probably don't love me at all?
It will be then, I'll want to ask.
Then I think, you're not committed to me.
You're not my anyone.
I'm not your anyone.
Just a date.
Just someone there for you whenever you need that special someone.
Shouldn't we be living in a blissful life?
right at this moment? right at this time?
Unfortunely, I'm not always happy.
No. I'm not.
I want to be understanding.
I want to be a wonderful girl that anyone would ask for.
I want people to look at you with those eyes of envy.
I don't wish to make the same mistake as I made in my previous relationship.
Why heal when you're implanting scars throughout the process.
Even though those scars are minor, I can still feel the hurt.
I'm sorry.
Sweet loving escape.
3:39 PM
Friday, October 22, 2004
She's starting work today. It's the first time she working in the F&B line. Wish her the best! I'm supposed to meet cass at 1.15. I wonder if I have enough time. I shouldn't even be online now. Argh. What's wrong with me! I'm treating my books like dirt. No, this can't be happening to me! Haha, I think I'm going insane. Oh well, will be staying over her house tonight. It's just so damn exciting. :) Just can't wait. -grins.
Did I complain that she said I look like hamster when I eat corn? Argh. I know hamsters are cute and I'm supposed to take it as a compliment, but no? I don't eat like a hamster. Haha. Oh well, as long as she's happy.
This is a very contradicting entry. Oh well, I'm contradicting myself anyway. Ta for now.
I love you just to much to be angry with you.
Your sleep should be more important.
Don't worry about me ya?
Concentrate on your work today,
I'll be supporting you.
-kiss.
Sweet loving escape.
1:28 PM
Thursday, October 21, 2004
I finally went to school after I missed it for 2 days. I'm so dead. I really think I need to study! Argh. It's ok. Today is the last day I can spend so much time with her already. She got to work and I got to study. Crash time! Hmm. Why do I sound so excited studying? Sheesh. I'm totally insane. I think that girl is still asleep. Oh well, she haven't been sleeping well, she deserve it. That girl that girl. I just love her so many million much. I shall ignore all interuptions, I shall ignore all temptations, I shall just concentrate on my this loveable one. Because my this loveable one is just so so so so so so so irresistable!
You filled my life with all your kisses and hugs.
You filled my life with happiness.
I'm sorry to be unsure of myself.
For now I'm sure.
For now I'm certain.
I love you.
Let's not rush into things.
Let's things take its natural course.
Sweet loving escape.
11:28 AM
dilemma.
too fast. too soon.
but i love you.
is this love? or is this lust?
i dont know.
i ain't got a clue.
kill me.
i'm hurting someone beautiful.
Sweet loving escape.
1:28 AM
I wish for a long term relationship. I know you want one too. I'm not sure. I don't know what's holding me back. Probably we are really going too fast. But I don't want anything to slow down either..oh well.. I'm happy the way I am now.
Went over to (d)'s house in the afternoon. My life was filled with her thousand kisses and her most wonderful hugs. I just love her. I don't want anyone or anything to spoil my happiness. I shall not allow. Because we, for now, belong to each other. ANYONE who comes in between us will be considered as 3rd party. Including her dogs. Haha. I'm having endless of fun with her. Gosh. I'm so happy.
Sweet loving escape.
1:18 AM
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Special thanks to:
(k). For giving me such happiness for the past relationship. For hurting me so badly at the later part of our fairy tale. For putting a decisive stop at the end of our little story.
---
I'm glad, in a way, (k) gave me such huge and deep scars. I'm really glad. For because of this, (d) came in to heal them. Without those scars and injuries, I wonder would (d) actually exist in my life now. So I have to thank (k) for everything she's done for/to me. Memories will stay as memories. Right now, we'll let the sand settle. We'll both get our life back into the right tune of life. You can go after her, I wish you the best. I probably haven't and had cursed you badly in the past when I first found out. But now, I'm truly sorry and I truly wish you the best from the bottom of my heart. It scares me to see what my friend is getting into. To you, I may just be of the same status as dirt lying around your house. But, just to let you know, to me, you're my friend. I'm a girl who love my friend, I'm a girl who wishes the best for her friends. So for now, while waiting for the 'particles' to settle, I'll stay at the side, wishing you the best. For you taught me a lesson, a lesson on life. Thank you.
---
Dear (d), if you happen to bounce onto this entry, please don't get the wrong idea. Because I'm loving you. Because I'm still sitting at home, waiting to go over to your house for dinner, and hug you, kiss you, and torture you! :) I'll have a special thanks to you too.. But not today.. Some other day when everything about us is confirm. I know it's more or less confirm already, but I still want to wait.
---
Isn't it amazing how human react to heartbreaks? Isn't it amazing to for one to think that that person is the right one, but only found her/himself getting hurt? Isn't it amazing for that person to stay by 'the right one', begging 'the right one' to allow him/her back? Isn't it amazing how 'the right one' reject him/her, but him/her just stay by the side and continue getting hurt? Then, isn't it amazing when someone new come into his/her life and he/she just fell in love with 'the someone new'? Well, isn't it amazing how life turns out to be?
--
Something to think about. Something to look at. Something to ponder about.
Sweet loving escape.
3:13 PM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Current position: (d)'s house.
Wee, I've never felt so happy in a long long long long long time! :) Haha.. Just smoked the first stick of the day.. -high- Was supposed to go to school. Haha, but I'm here! Gosh, happiness. Finally, after waiting for so long, I'm here, surrounded by her hugs and kisses. :) Went to esplanade yesterday, wonderful place. Wonderful place with her. My dream, got smashed, here came my doctor, healing my wounds at a perfect rate. There came (d), dragging me out of my comfy spot of the desert, bringing me to a whole new world. I just look forward to the rest of the thousand kisses, to the wonderful warmth of her hugs. :) Why haven't I felt like this for such a long time? Why haven't I felt so happy?
I'm so glad you came into my life. I'm so glad you showered so much joy into my horrible horrible life. I'll be loving you. I'm loving you.
Sweet loving escape.
1:59 PM
Sunday, October 17, 2004
151004
This is a day of sadness and happiness. Amazing? Well, I thought so too. But, I went through it. Was upset about (k). Was at monks. (d) came to pay for my entrance to monks. I allowed myself to let loose there. enjoyed my time with (d). amazing. went golden cafe after monks and went home. msg-ed (d) till 6 plus. This is the beginning of a fairytale. I can see that. The old one has came to an end. The old fairytale has it's own ending, and that is that we went on seperate routes. (d) became my chinese doctor, she's healing the wounds (k) gave me. :) *the pain will fade away, this pain will not last.*
161004
We had a date together. We went to look for bj because (d) said that bj was sad. I bought (d) a belated birthday and bought bj a smile from famous amos. Went to eat curry with bj during her break and (d) and I went to watch a show after which. Yes, this comes the exciting part.
I was going to the toilet with bj while (d) waited outside. I went in and almost screamed. I had my damn period. Haha, I told bj. I almost died. I thought I was dead. I had to tell (d), imagine the amount of embarrassment I have to go through? It didn't help that I was wearing a thong. So (d) and bj had to accompany me to get a undies. And (d) chose a pretty one for me. :) Since bj's break has a time limit, we went to eat our curry first. Then after whish (d) had to go to guardian with me to buy pad. On our way back to cine, I suddenly look behind me. And guess what? I saw (k). I told (d) and she didn't believe. Then when (k) finally walk past us, she finally believe. How exciting huh? We then went ahead with our movie. We watched ladykiller. It's damn boring. But well, I had her! :) It's surprising how our hands fit each another's. After the show, we went to look for bj at her shop and complained about the show. Was playing with pretty furry stuff at the fitting room and when I walked out, I saw (k). I was like what? Saw Sean and Kris too. Hugged them and told them about my 'exciting' period. (k) and I didn't even look at each other. Well, so much for friends huh? (d) and I had some heart to heart talk, about the past and all, while we waiting for bj to end work. (d) and I joined them for a movie. While walking to cine, saw (k), lerrick, nancy, sean and kris. (d) and I were holding hands. I think bj got questioned about it. Sorry bj! Well, we watched windeton and it seemed like I was at the scene itself? (d) and I was like so excited? I almost tore (d) t shirt. Haha, update more later. I think my bro needs a puff now. Going off to meet (d) now! ta!
Sweet loving escape.
4:21 PM
Friday, October 15, 2004
Why should you need to recover?
I don't understand.
You seem very troubled.
Are you?
Did I cause it?
If I caused your troubles, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
I just wanted a explanation I deserve and I highly doubt it's unreasonable for me to do that.
Because if I get my explanation, I wouldn't be at the place I am now.
hanging in the middle of no where.
well. I suppose I'm not hanging in the middle of no where now.
I chose to be your friend.
you're my best and closest friend.
but when i tell you that,
you told me you need to recover?
I don't understand.
I really don't.
Isn't this what you want?
Shouldn't you be happy?
All I wanted is for you to be happy.
For my friend to be happy..
Sweet loving escape.
11:20 AM
Thursday, October 14, 2004
All is over. Why do this to me.
You weren't like that.
Weren't. Totally.
No more sorries from you.
No more. Just no more.
My heart's been slashed up, smashed hard, squashed up, thrown on the ground.
Would you be responsible for my well being?
Would you be responsible for all the harm you've cause?
No.
The answer is no.
I'm feeling this heartache like I've never felt before.
This pain is just so real.
This pain is unbearable.
Despite what I've done, despite what I tried.
I lost.
She won.
You?
A win win situation for you.
You're happy with this new girl now.
In less than a month after we broke up.
Well, you might have liked her even when we're together.
I wanted you to be happy, so I allowed you to join ju-jitsu.
Never would I have expected this to happen.
This to happen to me.
I always thought that I shouldn't tie you down.
I let loose.
And you went wild.
If I'm holding on tied, you feel cornered.
When I release.
You had a 180degrees change.
You made me lose faith in both life and myself.
I'm at same spot in the desert that you left me.
I haven't moved a bit.
I'm thirsty and hungry.
When you were with me, you blocked all the ugly side of the world.
Now that you're gone, I'm faced with the ugliest things.
I looked at you, with someone else in your arms.
I'm gathering strength to move on.
Just that whenever I do that, you will come over and give me a hard kick.
It is then that I lost strength again.
One day, I'll find the stength, but I'm not sure if I should stand up to walk on.
Maybe if I walk on, I'll find a lake to quench my thirst and a big palace of food to ease my hunger.
But what if the moment I stand up and walk, take a glance back, and I see you there.
All by yourself.
I'm concerned.
You're in a dangerous position there.
What if you get hurt?
No one should hurt you.
So what should I do?
I've decided.
I'll be your friend.
goodfriend.
So that just in case,
one fine day, you got hurt, I'll be there for you.
Just promise me something.
To not be afraid to face me.
This is a stage we definately have to go through.
Even though all these mean tremendous pain and galons of tears.
The only thing I can do now is to be by your side as a friend. Perhaps, things are meant to be like that. If we're going against fate, one fine day, fate will pull us back together. I shall no longer wish. I shall no longer hope. I'll put my trust in you once again. That this time, you wouldn't hurt me yet again, as a friend. While, remember our pact about telling each other about their girlfriend or boyfriend when we breakup? Just to tell you, I haven't forgotten about it. We'll be friends. Lifelong friends. :)
Sweet loving escape.
2:44 PM
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
A worst had bestowed upon me. The smile of happiness had been ripped off by some mysterious force. I'm trying hard to refrain. Refrain from msg-ing you. I don't wish to be contribute to your unhappiness. Maybe you're happy without me. Up till now, I can still feel the stinging pain in my heart. I wish so much to stop it. The day you were so determined to leave me, was the day my soul died in you. You took my heart along with you, you despised it and threw it on the ground, shattered. I screamed in pain, I cried in pain. You continue your journey, you left me. I sat there at the spot, trying to pick the scattered pieces. Time after time, you'll pop by and give me a hard kick. Once again, my heart got hurt. I had dropped the pieces I was picking up and you walked off, stepping on them. Even before the old scar could heal, a new one would be out. The cut now is deep and raw.
I'm in a desert, not knowing what to do.
I'm dying of thirst, I'm dying of hunger.
Should I pull myself up?
Should I pull myself up to walk on till I find a river or lake?
I woke up from a terrible nightmare
I found myself alone.
Alone and lost.
I tried to be happy and pass you some of my happiness.
I failed. Yet again.
Maybe life for me is just about failures.
If this is true, I rather not have this life.
Sweet loving escape.
5:10 PM
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
I'm going berserk soon. Images of you and her. Ah! I'm going to kill myself soon. This is pure toture. Totally.
Sweet loving escape.
2:44 PM
Thanks bj for enlightening me, although I knew whatever you said already-haha-. It's the company that counts. I'm ready to let go for now. This moment, this min, this hour, this sec. But I'm not sure how things will come out tomorrow. Oh well, as I always say, live a day for a day. jou yi bu kan yi bu. Haha. I'm still carrying a heavy and wounded heart. It would be best if you come and heal it, but if you don't, time will. But please don't take things for granted ok.. I would love to have you back. :)
People only realise how much they had only when they lose them. So people who comes to my blog, if any, treasure what you have now. I'm speaking from a painful experience.
Sweet loving escape.
1:50 AM
Monday, October 11, 2004
I just want to die now. Now. Not later not anything. Just now. It has been one sided all along. One day you make me happy. Next you kill my mood. What can I say? I'm the one begging you to be back by my side, to be my pillar of strength, encouargement, love and happiness. Why destroy my life for? What the point of saying sorry for? If I were to hurt you like that, will you accept my sorries? Don't talk rubbish about saying yes I will accept. I don't want to resign to what I have now. I believe in changing the facts. I believe that efforts put in will be paid off. Why change what i'm believing in? Why change my life? Why wreck havoc in this peaceful and happy life I've got? Were you that uphappy together with me? Were you? Were you? Everytime I ask such questions, all you can say is sorry. I want an answer. So you want a new life huh? What was wrong with your old life? What went wrong? What happened? Please people, stop asking me to give up. I hate giving up. Giving up = a lost game. Understand? Someone just knock me down when I cross the road. Someone just push me off the building now. I see no meaning living in the screwed up world. I see no meaning suffering here. I don't mind dying stupid now. I don't mind. I just want to end my life.
Sweet loving escape.
11:10 PM
Sunday, October 10, 2004
I'm the evil one.
I'm the one who's asking you to do this and that.
It's always me who is the demanding one isn't it?
It was like that in the past and it still is now.
I'm willing to change.
why wouldn't you give me a chance.
I'm putting down my dignity and pride just for you.
Why can't you see?
You're the king now aren't you?
I'm here by your side and waiting for your command.
I'm just a servant to you.
Someone you don't bother about.
But I look up to you like you're my only one.
You seem completely satisfied with all you have now.
You don't want anything extra.
You refuse to open your doors to allow people in to touch your heart.
Yes, believing in yourself is good.
But being too self centered isn't that good.
You've taken a huge part of my life away.
I feel suicidal . No one will bother anyway. The lost of one human in this world means nothing to anyone. Oh well.
Sweet loving escape.
1:29 PM
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Ouch Ouch. My entire body is aching like shit. Haha, went to cal. fitness for 5 hours. How am I not to ache? Haha, but it was good. Real good. Haha. Went for some toning lesson. Gosh, I swear that was a killer. Went for dance lesson too. I think my body is rusty. I can't dance for nuts. Ginny is good. Haha, I think everyone is good except me. Stayed home the entire day today. Was freaking tired. Was supposed to go for some math mock paper, but I gave it a miss. Oh well, if walking at home is a killer already, lets just not talk about going to school. I miss her badly. Oh well, I guess this is probably going to be a damn rough patch. Oh shit. I haven't been studying. I feel damn bad. Sigh, no use feeling bad huh? I don't feel like studying. I just feel like lying down on my bed and grab something to read. I finished my book already. It's good. Haha, I think I want to go and excercise. I feel fat today. All I did today was lie down, sleep, eat , read books and watch tv. Haha, what a pig life. Oh well, I think I should be one.
Sweet loving escape.
10:45 PM
Thursday, October 07, 2004
I've got a poor little life. Life is so short and I am still suffering here. I'm eating packed lunch right now. People get proper food, as in home cooked food to eat even if it's for lunch. Then again, learn to look on the other side, some people don't even get to eat home cooked food for dinner. I think I'm considered lucky already. People usually say the best time of one's life is during their secondary school time. Oh well, frankly, I don't even have a good friend in IJ. I suppose I had one before. Either we drifted apart due to some unforeseen purposes or either one of us backstabbed one another. Oh well, I mean I haven't been backstabbing my goodfriend since lets see, Sec 2? So why am I still not down with a goodfriend? Whenever I treat someone as my goodfriend, that someone will definately drift away from me. Either one of us will change. I just suppose that fate isn't there. It really hurts to see your friend treating you like a stranger. Worst of all, an enemy. However, not everything ends her. Your so called goodfriend or even worse, best friend, just start bitching about you. Just simply because she has found new friends. Oh well, I suppose not everyone will go through this path. I've known of people who got friends since they were in kindergarden! Gosh, I just think this is what society trains us; never put in a 100% trust in someone. What an ugly world to live in.
Sweet loving escape.
2:55 PM
Monday, October 04, 2004
new pictures uploaded!
Sweet loving escape.
9:11 PM
Life's about making decision. One should never regret their decision. Gosh, I'm in such a dilemma. Should I wait for her, or should I just carry on with life. Sigh, I guess this is my assignment for this week. Haha, ok, all the prelims results are out already. Haha, I've got 28 points for my L1R5. Congrats Deborah. See you in ITE. Haha. Actually, ITE isn't that bad. No no, I'm not being sacrastic. I'm serious. It's the people there who will create the image for the crowd. Same as any other school, if the school is filled with dilequents, then the school wouldn't have a good reputation. It doesn't matter whether is the school doing well or not. I feel that the students make up the school. Without the students, the school will cease to exist. Oh well, I'm in my logical mood again. Argh, what's up with me? Oh, bought a new book at bugis on Friday with Cass. Haha, she had to pay for me first because I was damn broke and I desperately needed a book to entertain me. I've been reading it and I feel that I didn't waste my money on it. Haha, it's interesting. It's not the chick flick type of story line though. Ok, I have less than one month left to my big Os. People, wish me all the best. Oh well, no one comes to my blog anyway.
Sweet loving escape.
2:43 PM
Friday, October 01, 2004
Oh well, prelims are over. My results are out too. Haha, don't ask me how was it. I refuse to say anything about it. Instead of improving, which everyone should be doing, my results dropped. Haha. How smart. Oh well, I didn't really study for prelims anyway. Just know that I must put in the effort to study for my big O now. Haha, it's exactly one more month to my Os. Oh well, either I die or live. Haha, can I put it this way? Haha.. I've the course I want to go to in mind already. I'll be the world's happiest girl if I get into it. Haha, but in order to get into it, I have to work real hard. Don't worry, it's not accountacy. My interest doesn't lie there. I don't want to work a 9-5 type of job in future. The farewell mass 5/1 and 5/2 conducted today was real nice. It's amazing how things will fall into place even if these 2 classes just don't work well together? Haha, oh well. Father was telling us during the mass. He touched on the topic on the Os. He said that there was once a girl who failed badly for her prelims. However, she became a 6 pointer for Os. Although I'm not a catholic or anything, but I feel that whatever Father said made sense. He said to visualize, actualize and pray. Well, I've only got 1 more month to go. No harm trying all these. Start mugging soon deb! You can do it! Haha.. As for today, I'll be going out with Cassandra and Ginny, not sure if Min is coming though. Haha, yes yes, so much of studying right? Haha, I just want to enjoy this last weekend before my Os and then I'll study. Real hard. My aim is a single digit. People, pray for me ok? Pray that I'll get single digit for my,hopefully, L1R5. Then I'll get my $500! Haha.. But L1R4 would be good too! Okok, a pretty long entry. I'll throw everything away for now. All my enjoyments, everything would be gone. Only my studies would be in my mind. People! Remember to pray for me ok? **winks
Sweet loving escape.
3:56 PM
THE ONE
deborah
bisexual
turning 20 on 17th Decemeber Ngee Ann Polytechnic School of Film and Media Studies myspace. ::
friendster.::
